Dear Brain

I know it’s been a rough year other than the wonderful stuff that’s happened on several bright points over the last six months, but can we please stop being anxious for nothing? I mean seriously. Enough is enough.

We are not going to turn into a hermit again. That is the wrong way to live. Once we’re out there with friends, do we not have a blast? YES, WE DO.

So stop trying to make me feel off kilter about going to game tomorrow night. It’ll be great. We love our crew. Denny’s liked us last time. They will this time. It’s only four of us.

Besides, we can say ‘screw the points’ and have breakfast for dinner!


Whirlwind and Thanks

We will not be admitting how long I crashed today. I have over 200 pages to edit, and when I’m done with that, I should send in my notice. I can’t do writing, webmaster, personal assistant, AND editor at the same time. My brain would go smooth, and I’d be a drooling idiot.
My writing and my two part time jobs are the priority now. The past six months have been filled with so many changes, and I’m very thankful that most of them were for the good. I just wish the first on the list hadn’t been such a sad thing, because my mom isn’t here to see what I’ve finally accomplished.
She gave me words. She gave me books kids weren’t supposed to read. She let me watch scary movies, noir detectives, and supported me whenever the various schools got bitchy about me reading those books and studying about witchcraft. Yay mom!
I miss my dad too, and I think about him whenever I watch Star Trek. He gave me new worlds to explore in reality and fiction.
I also know I would not be where I am without the Five and all the RP friends who have become family with me over the years. I will forever be grateful for their encouragement and support.
Now it’s time for me to feed Harley and Gus, because of all the things I do, keeping the furry kids happy is number one on the list. Badger’s the easy one. He only eats dry cat food.

So I’m a Trekkie

There might be 2 people in the galaxy who don’t know that. LOL

I’m a huge fan of 98% of all Star Trek series and movies. My dream is to write a Star Trek novel and get it published. Seriously, that would be my dream come true, but they don’t have open submissions anymore.

Anyway, these are my thoughts about the latest episode of Star Trek Discovery.

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Busy day yesterday

The day was too chaotic yesterday for me to write, but that’s OK. You can’t make progress if you beat yourself up for a day of being busy doing other stuff. Hell, you shouldn’t beat yourself up–period. If you do that, you don’t write. Suck it up and move on.
Also making my work week m-f for my 5K a week goal is kind of stupid on my part. I’d be much better served if I included the 3 days a week my sister is home writing, and the house is quiet.
So there! Now it’s super easy to hit my 5K. I will take my weekend during the week!

Feeling rather blue

In case you didn’t know, I lost my mom 10 days before Christmas, and it’s still hitting me hard. This isn’t a case of not realizing how important someone was in my life when they are gone. I know she was important. We talked almost every day on various instant messengers over the years, and we’d call each other while sitting in waiting rooms or parking lots. I’d outgrown her being my anchor, but she was a major part of my foundation.

Our relationship was far from perfect. I loved her flaws and all, and she loved me. There were some dark spots along the way, but I haven’t spent a single moment wishing I’d talked to her about the things that hurt. There was no reason to with her or my father. Neither could change the past and dwelling on slights by people who are dead is no way to live your life. The past is the past. Water under the bridge. Whore at the river…Let it go.

Now I talk a good game about that, but I’m not a very forgiving person. My dad’s been gone 5 years (10 days after Christmas for him), and I was angry with him for years before he was gone and years after. It did neither of us any good. Mom and I vented about some of that along the way, but I finally let go of the mad a year or so ago. I have better things to do with my life.

So I wasn’t mad at my mom. She wasn’t perfect. Gods know I’m not. I loved her. I still do. But every now and then, I wake up in the morning and remember that she’s not going to be the first person I talk to. We always knew where each other was even though I live 1000 miles away. I guess in a way she was still an anchor, after all.

She taught me how to be strong. But I had to learn to be kind on my own. I still need to work on that from time to time, but I’d like to think I’m OK at it.

I miss you Mom.